Happy Friday...

... hope you all have a nice & relaxing weekend! My potential plans this weekend:

- Sleep in

- Sweetened Iced Black tea w/milk

- Spend time with the hubby

- Pick up art supplies for class at Hawaiian Graphics & Fisher Hawaii

- Take the last picture on my Holga so I can send that roll of film out to get developed

- Sketch, sketch & sketch some more

- Get a head start and read Chapter 2 in my Art textbook

- Give my 5d some love & attention... take photos!

- Attempt Adobe Illustrator

- Try to catch a movie

- Be happy!

Photo taken with my Canon 5d Mark II

50mm f/1.4

Enlightened...

It's amazing how only two days of school can enlighten you. I've only been to my digital art class once since school started, (I have Digital Art on Mondays and Wednesdays; and Visual Art on Tuesdays and Thursdays) and I have already begun to work on awakening the imagination and creativity that was dormant in my mind for far too long. I can't even remember the last time I got out a paper & pencil and began to draw before going back to college this week. It's almost as if I had built a wall or barrier to block that side out of me since I grew out of childhood. I can't really say why... I used to LOVE drawing when I was a kid... constantly sketching and drawing Marvel Comic characters... I'm even embarrassed to admit that I once drew a portrait of Jason Priestley from 90210 when I had a crush on him back in those silly pre-teen days... but what I drew is not the point... it's the simple fact that I drew and enjoyed doing it. Somehow, it all got lost as I got older, but just one day at my digital art class sparked that old memory in me. I came across such an interesting section in my Visual Art textbook, which talked about early encounters with the artist within. I quote:

Young Children often demonstrate an intuitive sense of composition. Unfortunately, we lose much of this intuitive sense of balanced design as we begin to look at the world from a conceptual, self-conscious point of view. Most children who have been given coloring books, workbooks, and pre-drawn printed single sheets become overly dependent on such impersonal, stereotyped props. In this way, children lose the urge to invent unique images based on their own experiences. Without ongoing opportunities for personal expression, children lose self-confidence in their original creative impulses.

Children begin life as eager learners. If they are loved and cared for, they soon express enthusiasm for perceiving and exploring the world around them. Research shows that parents' ability to show interest in and empathy for their child's discoveries and feelings is crucial to the child's brain development. Before the age of one, and well before they talk, babies point tiny fingers at wonderful things they see. Bodies move in rhythm to music. Ask a group of four-year-olds "Can you dance?" "Can you sing?" "Can you draw?" and they all say, "Yes! Yes!" Ask twelve-year-olds the same questions, and they will too often say "No, we can't." Such an unnecessary loss has ominous implications for the spiritual, economic, social, and political health of society.

Most abilities observed in creative people are also characteristic of children during interactions with the world around them. What becomes of this extraordinary capacity? According to John Holt, author of 'How Children Fail', "We destroy this capacity above all by making them afraid - afraid of not doing what other people want, of not pleasing, or of making mistakes, of failing, of being wrong. Thus we make them afraid to gamble, afraid to experiment, afraid to try the difficult and unknown."

Feels good to rekindle with an old flame...

Photo taken with my Canon 5d Mark II

50mm f/1.4

Taking Risks...

I got my Kapi'olani Community College (KCC) acceptance letter in the mail yesterday for Fall 2009! What's even more exciting is that because I had previously completed one semester at Honolulu Community College (HCC) after I graduated from high school back in 1997, I don't need to take the placement test at KCC and can pick up right where I left off over ten years ago! That is such a huge relief! Upon receiving my acceptance letter, I decided to look for my old HCC report card in a file cabinet where my mother has stored documents and memorabilia (most useful, informative & nostalgic; some absurd & straight up embarrassing) that pertain to me dating back as far as 30 years. While shuffling through all these old documents from my childhood, I came across my grade school report cards with notes and progress reports from my teachers. There were two progress reports that really caught my attention... one from my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Akinaka, and the other from my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Miyahara.

Mrs. Akinaka (2nd grade teacher) wrote:

"I'd like to see her take more "risks" in doing things & be more independent."

Mrs. Miyahara (5th grade teacher) wrote:

"She is capable of doing good work but is held back by tenseness. She needs to take "risks" and develop more confidence in her abilities."

Wow... it was such an eye-opening experience to read these comments about myself from my grade school teachers. I can't say why I've always been fearful and have held back... but reading these progress reports made me realize that I have been this way since childhood and it's helped me to understand why I am the way I am today. In a strange sort of way, it made me feel a little better knowing that it's something I've struggled with since an early age and not something that I've acquired recently... an unusual sense of relief. SO, where do I go from here? Well, there's nowhere to go but forward. From this day forth, I will strive to be less fearful and more self confident! I will expect to make mistakes along the way, and I will learn and grow from those mistakes. I will not hold back... and I will take more risks.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

-Robert F. Kennedy

Photo by me

Canon 5d Mark II

50mm f/1.4

"There is no failure except in no longer trying..."

I've been thinking a lot about going back to school lately, but the feeling is a mixture of hope, motivation and fear. As I've said in the past, "I've never been one of those people who knew what they wanted to do in life... and I'm at the point where it's starting to worry and frustrate me." I truly wish I was one of those people who knew at a young age what they wanted to do in life. Sometimes I think I suffer from attention deficit disorder when it comes to interests, hobbies and career goals. I envy those who have a strong passion for one thing... I don't think I've ever had that kind of passion before. I guess you could say I'm all over the place, hence ... A.D.D. But lately, I have been focused on figuring out a way to go back to school for something that interests me, while keeping my job. I've been looking into several digital media programs at various schools here. I had a meeting with an HPU admissions counselor yesterday after work, and it went well, but after looking over their tuition fees, I know I can't afford it! I may have to look into starting off at a Community College first, then work my way up from there... baby steps. Aside from finances, I think my biggest challenge is figuring out a way for me to go to school while continuing to work my full time job. I seriously don't know how people do it... I give them so much credit. Just the thought of it scares me, but I guess anything is possible as long as you stay dedicated and work hard at it! We'll see if I can swing it. I'm not going to lie, I am terrified at the thought of going back to school after all these years... I have a major fear factor that I need to work on and get over. I don't know why, I guess I lack self confidence, but I'm willing to take a chance and kick this "fear of failure" to the curb. As Elbert Hubbard once said... "There is no failure except in no longer trying."

Photo by me

Canon 5d Mark II

50mm f/1.4

All good things must come to an end...

Got back from Florida this past Monday night.... it was such a long journey home with several stops and lay overs. From Orlando to Chicago with a 2 hour lay over, then from Chicago to San Francisco with a 3 hour lay over, and finally from San Francisco to Honolulu. All this airport hopping made me realize how "low-tech" or "no-tech" Honolulu Airport is compared to the mainland Airports; I felt as though I travelled backwards in time.

Florida was a lot of fun... we didn't really get to do much of the Disney Parks because we were mainly there for my niece's wedding, which was amazing! It was such a beautiful & fun wedding, and I have to mention that my niece was the most gorgeous bride! I'm so proud of her and so happy for her! She is so special to me, more like a little sister... I'd honestly give my life for her. She is the most deserving person I know with the biggest heart and the purest soul! I love her so much! 

Now it's back to work and reality for me. It was a great escape... wish I could escape more often. I'm still jet-lagged because Florida is 6 hours ahead... I fought to keep my eyes open as late as possible last night, but sleepiness won the battle at 8:00 p.m.... then I had to force myself to fall back asleep when my eyes opened at 2 a.m. Today is my first day back at work, and I feel really out of it... very zombie-like. I think I was slightly depressed yesterday, knowing that I had to go back to work today. I am grateful that I have a job, but at the same time, it's not what I want to do forever. I've never been one of those people who knew what they wanted to do in life... and I'm at the point where it's starting to worry and frustrate me. I'm thinking of going back to school, but I don't even know what I want to pursue; and aside from not knowing, I'm actually frightened to go back to school as well... it's been so long since I've been in school; I forgot everything! Hope I can shake off this fear of uncertainty and failure... trying to think positive is not as easy as it sounds!

Photo by me

Canon Xti

Relaxin'...

... wish I was doing this right now...

Photo by me
Diana+